Not All Destinations Are Equal

In our recent article Domestic Destination Weddings, we responded to a comment from destination wedding photographer Mary Basnight that our coverage has been almost exclusively focused on destination weddings outside the United States. She’s right.

Over the last two weeks, we’ve been doing some research on destination weddings in the U.S. and really thinking about this. Unfortunately, our research isn’t as clear cut as we hoped it would be. And as we mentioned in What is a Destination Wedding?, we have a very clear definition on it takes to be a destination wedding: the location and venue itself need to be an integral part of the wedding experience.

We have found some locations in the U.S. that qualify. But we’ve also found a significant number of places passing themselves off as “destination wedding venues” that really aren’t (at least in our book).

As an example of what we are talking about, we would like to discuss Foothills Wedding Chapel in Golden, Colorado. Foothills Wedding Chapel promotes itself as a destination wedding venue. With all respect to this establishment, it really isn’t. One wedding chapel is like another, be it in Golden, Las Vegas or Gatlinburg. To be sure, Foothills Wedding Chapel is probably far nicer than anything Gatlinburg has ever seen, but it doesn’t qualify as a destination wedding venue for us.

To be a destination wedding venue, the venue itself has to be a part of the allure. Golden, Colorado is at the foothills of the mountains, is home to Coors Brewery and the Colorado School of Mines, and has a truly charming main street with numerous excellent restaurants. The town is nestled beautifully at the foot of the Rocky Mountains and sits in a valley created by North and South Table Mountains. Beyond this, the town is unremarkable. We should know, my husband was born and raised there.

Our goal in writing this is not to downgrade Foothills Wedding Chapel in Golden. It seems to be a truly fine establishment and if this is the kind of wedding you want, I’m sure it would be nice. But it really is not a destination wedding venue in our book. It is an elopement venue. The venue of the chapel in downtown Golden is not the destination and can be recreated elsewhere. It’s proximity to the mountains would make it an attractive choice for couples looking to elope, but you wouldn’t necessarily feel the town of Golden is essential to the wedding ambiance in the way that other venues might be.

In thinking about our own wedding, had we wanted to do a very economical elopement from our east coast home, Foothills Wedding Chapel would have made an excellent choice (my husband still knows a few folks in the area and Colorado is lovely). But we wanted a true destination wedding experience – a beautiful place where we could gather with our friends and family from all over the world. We wanted an experience that would be another church wedding someplace, we wanted an event that friends and family members will talk about for years to come. That is the essence of a destination wedding.

We use the Foothills Wedding Chapel as an example, but there are thousands of places like it across the U.S. They offer “destination wedding” services, but the location and the facility don’t offer a true “destination.”

This is the difference between “weddings away” or eloping and a TRUE destination wedding. One is not necessarily better than the other, but couples need to truly understand what they are getting – a wedding away or a destination experience.

What is a Destination Wedding?

When we began this blog, we thought we know. After all, we had a destination wedding.

Destination weddings are getting married “away.” Right? But the more we’ve been writing about it over the last year and half, the more it isn’t that clear cut.

For us, a true destination wedding is a wedding in which the destination itself becomes an integral part of the wedding experience. The destination itself ties into the overall theme of the wedding. And the experience of the wedding could not be repeated in a different location.

For example, a couple getting married in Jamaica with a reggae themed cocktail reception couldn’t have that same wedding in Mexico and have it make sense. Having a “Top of the Town” wedding in New York City couldn’t be repeated in Dallas and make sense. The destination is critical to the overall aesthetic of the wedding experience.

For us destination weddings differ from eloping because the venue itself is important. When eloping, the venue becomes secondary (or is not important at all). Historically, eloping meant getting married in secret. We don’t subscribe to that definition. For us eloping is just getting “someplace else,” but the someplace doesn’t really matter. It could be Las Vegas or some other city because it is convenient. It could be a neighboring town.

Is this just semantics or does it really matter? A bit of both.

The reason why we are clarifying this now is because we have several articles coming up in the next few weeks that depend on the clarity of this definition.

More on destination weddings to come…

Second Marriages and Destination Weddings

It’s a sad fact that over half of first marriages end in divorce. But people don’t have to give up on love and many get remarried. And this has given rise to a boom in second marriage destination weddings.

Destination weddings are uniquely suited for second marriages. If you had a big church wedding for your first marriage (also known as “starter marriages”), you may be reluctant to have another. It can be awkward to invite people who attended the first wedding, and many people feel uncomfortable because of the “wedding gift” factor. Basically, having someone buy a gift for the first wedding and then getting a gift at the second one makes many brides (and grooms) uncomfortable.

Destination weddings offer a balance between the larger ceremony a couple may want with the elopement they feel they have to have.

In our quest to find destination wedding stories from real couples, we found a YouTube video that we’d like to share. This couple is sharing their story of a second marriage destination wedding.

Here’s the YouTube video:

Domestic Destination Weddings

Destination weddings can take place anywhere! That’s one of the best things about them. But for us, a destination wedding means more than getting married “someplace else.” It means that the destination becomes an important and integral part of the wedding festivities.

North Carolina-based wedding photographer Mary Basnight contacted us and pointed out an oversight on our part – all of our coverage has been about destination weddings in locations outside the U.S. She’s right and this has been a significant oversight on our part, which we will attempt to rectify.

Destination weddings can take place anywhere. From Catalina Island in California to the Hamptons of Long Island. From the sin city of Las Vegas to Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

Our blogging about destination weddings in the U.S. has been minimal (one post about South Padre Island, Texas). We’ve had the incorrect attitude U.S. weddings are really “Deportation Weddings,” not Destination Weddings. I guess we’ve viewed them as shotgun affairs that need to happen FAST (usually because somebody needs to leave the country in a hurry). This isn’t the aesthetic we choose to subscribe to. However, Mary Basnight is correct, there can be wonderful destination weddings within the U.S. and we haven’t given them fair treatment.

We’ll attempt to rectify this glaring omission in our blog coverage soon.

Our Story

We’ve had a number of e-mails lately asking about our inspiration and motivation for doing this blog. This blog is really for you – the future brides and grooms who are interested in destination weddings.

Several years ago, we were planning our own destination wedding and were disappointed in the resources that were out there. We spent hundreds of hours trolling The Knot message board and other websites trying to get ideas. We wished we had a coach or mentor to walk us through the process. With that in mind, we started the Ultimate Destination Weddings blog to be your coach.

It started simply. We were the first in our social circle to get married. We found ourselves spending a lot of time going through our thought process with friends or answering their questions. This blog became a way to disseminate information to them in an easy-to-use format. Somewhere along the way, it caught on and we now get a few hundred visitors a day. We don't try to be all things to all people. We just try to offer good, solid, unbiased advice on planning destination weddings.

We are definitely NOT wedding coordinators. It's funny, last week, a woman named Stacey in Maine wrote and wanted to hire us to plan her destination wedding in Jamaica. We are flattered, but we have jobs and this is a just a hobby for us.

We aren’t paid to do this. And we rarely recommend specific vendors and don't keep preferred vendor lists (we've thought about it, but don't think it's for us). If we recommend someone and it goes bad for a couple, we lose our credibility. We only recommend people we really have faith in. We don’t shill for anyone and aren’t paid to do this. We do Ultimate Destination Weddings because we love it.

We hope you enjoy the blog and find it useful in planning your wedding.

Destination Weddings on a Budget

Destination Weddings are now mainstream. Just as there has been an escalation in cost and extravagance for traditional weddings, we’re starting to see the same thing in destination weddings (driven particularly by celebrities and the wannabes).

Many couples, including us, were drawn to destination weddings because we wanted something less pretentious than a traditional wedding. We found destination weddings to be good value for the money. And they still can be.

We found this YouTube video from CBS’ Early Show on Destination Weddings on a Budget and thought it would be good viewing for our readers. In it, Julie Chen (the host) interviews Antonia van der Meer, editor of Modern Bridge magazine.

As a summary, Antonia van der Meer and Modern Bride profile three different locations that they think are still good values: Italy, Mexico and The Bahamas. We would certainly agree with the last two (probably why we got married in the Bahamas), but can’t fathom how anyone would think Italy is a good value right now. Don’t get us wrong, we LOVE Italy, but the exchange rate is absolutely punitive right now (and we travel to Europe frequently).

Now that we’ve imparted our advice, here is Antonia van der Meer and Modern Bride magazine on destination weddings:

Wedding Seasonality

We wanted to talk for minute about wedding planning. And we want to emphasize planning. PLANNING. And we mean it.

Depending on the nature of your destination (a beach wedding, a wedding at an Italian villa in the fall, etc.) there will be certain items that are only available seasonally. Ever tried to find a bathing suit in November for your destination wedding in February? How about flip flops?

It can be incredibly difficult to find some items you might need/want for your destination wedding if it is out of season. These items can include:

• Bathing suits
• Groom’s suit (or apparel)
• Shoes and sandals
• Sunscreen
• Sunglasses
• Beach bags for out of town bags
• Beach towels
• Sea shells or other table decorations

As the summer wears on, stores will be having sales on merchandise. If you have a destination wedding this fall, winter or even next summer, you might consider stocking up on things you might need/want for your destination wedding.

Step back and really plan out your wedding. Think about everything you will need. You can save money and ensure you have access to things you might want by buying at the end of the season. But don’t wait too long or you might be out of luck.

Weddings in Paris

We spent our second anniversary in Paris (See The Anniversary Trip). It gave us an opportunity to scope out weddings in Paris.

We couldn’t imagine going to Europe and getting married in a stodgy old church (although there are tons of cool churches in Paris). What Paris has to offer is some of the most romantic spots in the whole world.

If you consider a destination wedding in Paris, you might think about a wedding cruise on the Seine. We don’t know if you could do the actual wedding on the boat (although we bet it is possible; more on that below), but you can certainly do a nice reception. You and a handful of guests can take a Seine river cruise and, after you exchange your vows, party the night away. There are several cruise vendors, so check into them carefully. You want to find a small boat that you can rent out (so its private). Check with Bateaux-Mouches or the nice company that operates from the Pont Neuf bridge. There also seem to be several other luxury providers that you might want to check into. A local wedding coordinator may prove valuable, unless you speak French.

As part of your romantic Paris wedding, you might want to take your own wedding photographer with you. Paris offers stunning vistas and charming little lanes to take photos. We thought the Eiffel Tower, Sacre Coeur, The Trocadero and The Louvre would all make nice backdrops. After a day of photos, you could have your rehearsal dinner at a restaurant in Le Marais.

Not to be a total downer, there is a residency requirement for getting married in France. It's either 40 or 60 days (there is conflicting information on the internet). SO...it means you need to be in country for a while. This may or may not be a problem for you. If it is a problem, consider getting legally married in the U.S. (rather easy to do) and then do your ceremony abroad for you and your family. We think this kind of defeats the purpose of a destination wedding, but know other couples who do it to get around ridiculous regulations in countries like France or Mexico. While this takes the romance out of Paris and France as a destination wedding location, depending on your personal tastes, it may still work for you.

Paris could be a wonderfully romantic wedding destination to begin your new life together. And since you are already in Europe, you might consider honeymooning there as well.

The Anniversary Trip

Greetings from Paris!

When we had our destination wedding, we immediately decided that we would take a trip for our anniversary. So this year’s trip is Paris, France.

If you are considering a destination wedding, you obviously love to travel. You should also consider taking an anniversary trip. It was been a wonderful tradition for us.

We’ll write more when we return!

Selecting Your Destination Wedding Photographer

Selecting your destination wedding photographer is one of the most important decisions you can make. There’s no “do overs” on your wedding photos. And, unlike catering, there’s less margin for error. So, you really only have one shot of getting it right.

Adding to the complexity, chances are very good that you won’t find the resident talent that you are looking for in the wedding destination of your choice. We’ve blogged on this before in Covering The Basics – Photographer, but you should count on hiring and bringing your own photographer with you.

Today on WeddingBee, Joe Milton of the International Society of Professional Wedding Photographers has an interesting posting on Top Five Questions to Ask Your Photographer. Now, one thing we’ve learned is that there are more “wedding photography associations” than you can shake a stick at. Some reputable, some not – so do your homework.

But Joe Milton poses some very good questions (these are his questions, but our commentary):

1. Can I read through the contract? – If not, run far and fast. The contract should be clear and articulate what is expected of both parties…including deadlines! Photographers are notorious for getting you to sign the contract and then take FOREVER to deliver the goods.


2. Can I see some sample albums of complete weddings? If not, run far and fast. Every photographer can get a good picture or two, but you want to see the whole process. Any good photographer should be able to show you lots of quality work.


3. How much experience do you have? The more weddings they’ve done, but the better they will probably be. This is crucial in destination weddings as many “native” photographers are just Sunday afternoon amateurs. You want a pro.


4. How much direction or posing do you do during the day? Some photographers are photojournalist only. Some only do posed shots. For us, we liked the mix. Of our favorites, they were “posed.” Or rather, our photographer gave direction (walk up this staircase, walk down the beach this way) and then she captured the moment. Those were our favorites. But some of the most meaningful “moments” were the candids (the bride’s grandmother walking her down the aisle because she is now paralyzed).


5. Do you have insurance? Any decent photographer will, so this is not the definitive question that many might think.

This is a good list. But after reading it, the questions seem very elementary. They will only help you rule “bad apples” and will do nothing to help you select from a small pool of 3-5 truly professional photographers. To this rather basic list, we have added our own list of “must ask” questions:

• Can I speak with a couple who’s wedding you have shot in the last six months? – If a photographer is unable or unwilling to provide a list of references for you to check out, this is a problem. It also surprised us that this should be “in the bag” for the photographer. Yet, we had photographers provide us with references that were negative, so it’s worth going through the process.


• How much experience do you have with the location/venue/type that I having? - No wedding photographer will have done exactly what you are doing, but have they done something similar? If they haven’t done a Jewish ceremony or a beach wedding, it might be a problem for you.


• What is your typical method? – In our professional capacity, we both hire a lot of vendors. We are a big fan of asking very broad, open-ended questions like this. It gets the photographer talking about his/her work broadly. The good ones should be able to string together a story that makes sense. Those new to the business or who are “weekend warriors” will stumble on this kind of broad, open-ended question.


• Do you bring an assistant? – This is useful to know. Will they be doing all the work themselves, or farming it out? If bringing an assistant, try to get a clear picture on what that person’s role may be. And remember, this will also increase your cost factors.


• How many different cameras do you bring? – In other words, will they be switching back and forth and might miss the moment. Or, will they have back-up with them in case something goes wrong? It’s important.


• Film vs digital? – In this age of digital everything, there are some photographers that sill do film (believe it or not). So ask.


• How long before we see proofs? – This is self explanatory.


• How long before we get our actual album? – Also self explanatory.


• Who covers your expenses? – This is a point of negotiation. Ideally, it’s better for both you and photographer if you cover the expenses. It’s better for the photographer because they are not out of pocket on anything. It’s better for you because the photographer will probably charge a mark-up fee (some percentage of the actual cost; so a $700 airline ticket to the Bahamas marked up 15% will actually cost you $805).


• What is your mark-up fee (both for out of pocket travel and also for stock/equipment)? – The photographer should be absolutely honest about this up front. In our experience, too many photographers use this as a “back end” profit center and you have no idea how bad you will get hit until the final bill arrives.

Finally, it’s not a question, but it’s worth stating: actually meet with your photographer once or twice before the wedding. It sounds obvious, but many couples have been known to hire a photographer sight unseen because they found them on some website and their work looked good. This is especially common where destination wedding photographers can live all over the country and fly into the wedding. Try to find a way to meet first and take a temperature check.

Photo credit: Julia Newman

Holiday Weddings

Given the recent Memorial Day holiday, we thought we’d post about having weddings, including destination weddings, on holidays. It’s been a growing trend in recent and we’ve found ourselves invited to a number of them.

In general, having a destination wedding tied to a holiday is good for you and your guests because it means less time off of work for the wedding. And if your guests are making the trip to your destination wedding as a mini-vacation, this can work out well.

On the bad side, prices are typically higher at destination resorts during holiday periods, so you’ll pay – and it could be a LOT more. So you’ll need to carefully weigh the benefits vs. the costs.

But when considering holiday weddings, it doesn’t just mean U.S. holidays. If you are considering a wedding in Italy on June 1st, you’ll have to contend with Republic Day (and a nation-wide work stoppage). When planning your destination wedding and you are narrowing down the days, you should look carefully at a calendar to ensure that it is not a local holiday.

Destination Wedding Photography

One of the most important decisions you’ll face is photography. We’ve already covered this in previous posts, but want to revisit the topic.

First, we found a YouTube video (below) by destination wedding photographer Neil Cowley of Rochester, New York that should be mandatory viewing before you hire a destination wedding photographer.

Assuming you can’t find the talent you want locally (a pretty good bet), you’ll be bringing your own photographer. Let’s face it, it’s your wedding and you only get one shot at the photography. You’ll probably hire someone you feel comfortable with and bring them with you.

Neil Cowley’s video is from one destination wedding photography talking to another. But as a couple, there’s quite a bit for you to learn here.

There are really two kinds of destination wedding photographers:

• Someone who is a wedding photographer, but loves to do destination weddings because it’s a mini-vacation for them (at your expense) and they tack on time before or after for their vacation.
• Someone who is a seriously destination wedding photographer and it’s all about the business.
  

We prefer the former, but understand the need for the latter.

Regardless of which one, this is a business for them. Some photographers prefer to make their own travel arrangements and will charge you a mark-up (Neil Cowley charges 30%). That adds up fast. But…it is a business for them some kind of mark-up is reasonable. Unfortunately, some photographers use the mark-up principle to pad their profits.

We would recommend to couples that they work with the photographer to find a good travel schedule, but then the couple books it and pays for it directly. We’re not opposed to wedding photographers making a decent living…but there is too great an opportunity for some wedding photographers to abuse the mark-up principle as a way of screwing couples.

The other major issue in Neil Cowley’s YouTube video is the issue of documentation. He prefers to go undocumented. However, we had a friend who had a problem with this and couldn’t get her photographer into the country. The work permits aren’t all that expensive (certainly less than the mark-up on the travel) and your local wedding coordinator can often handle it for you. It is customary for the couple to pay for the work permit for the photographer. So, why risk your photographer being locked out of the country and you have to scramble for a “plan b” locally? Just get the permit.

Here’s Neil Cowley’s YouTube video:



Note: There’s also a video Part II, but it’s just him showing his cameras and you don’t really learn anything.

Suggested readings:
Covering the basics – Photographer